She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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