4 words: hood of his car
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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