I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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