That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
