This is not my ceiling
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
