You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
