Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.