Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability