Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
