that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.