and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
