He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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