I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
