tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality