my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He better not be in your backpack
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.