Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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