it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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