could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
