im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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