Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
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Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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