and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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