Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
