I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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