I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
