I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
