take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
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Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize