i was born a porn star she said
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
