The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
