The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
