I think I died a long time ago.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
