apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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