i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize