so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
