In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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