i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the day after is always just damage control
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
