somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
