I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
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mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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