right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
