I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
