god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
