Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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