I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
