$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she peed on how many people?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
