If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
