i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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