I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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