i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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