So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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