I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
