super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
