Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
