Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
