my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's shark week go big or go home
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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