PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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