Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
