I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
