making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
