so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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