Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
