i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
