No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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