just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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