we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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