If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
