Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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