Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
