He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
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Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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