can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
