So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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