My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
