i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think i peed on brittanys purse
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
