Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You were trust falling into bushes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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