someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
