also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
