I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
