dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
