That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
