Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
