I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
