I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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