She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
